ooooIYKYK, ISSUE #oo23
WHEN FESTIVE FLAIR MEETS FUNCTIONAL NEED IN THE AGE OF SOFTWARE DEFINED CARS
A friend recently traded his new Porsche Cayenne Coupé for a Range Rover barely a month into ownership. He’s a cyclist—often over landing (over-pathing really) to semi-remote trailheads with his bike rack loaded—and though the Cayenne was more than happy to air up and climb gravel inclines, its driver-assistance systems simply gave up once those bikes hung off the back. The SQ8 in my fleet does the same thing, as does another friend’s. It’s apparently a wider Volkswagen Group luxury SUV tick—radar and ultrasonic sensors giving up the ghost over a bit of gear on the hitch.
At first, I thought my friend was being dramatic. Trade a perfectly good Porsche because your cruise control went on strike? Then I spent a few days hauling my Super73 S1 on the hitch as I navigated the events of Hershey Car Week and felt it myself. In modern traffic, you grow dependent on those assists—adaptive cruise, lane guidance, 360 awareness. Lose them, and the premium sheen fades quickly. The Range Rover, for what it’s worth, handles the bikes just fine. He’s happy, but I hate seeing him move on from the VW Group tech to which I’m more ardently attached.
So when Audi of America dropped its press release this week inviting owners to “experience the spooky side of Vorsprung,” my mind went straight back to functions for which I’d be willing to lay out cash. The brand has added fifteen new Halloween Themes to the myAudi Marketplace—digital downloads that let you pumpkin-spice up your MMI with seasonal wallpapers and matching ambient lighting. There are even two new Dynamic Theme bundles—Halloween – Monster Mayhem and Halloween – Spooky Pumpkins—each cycling through four to five scenes every ten minutes. Think jack-o’-lantern puppies, a witch silhouetted against a moon, cartoon bats, and a haunted-house horizon. They cost $12.99 apiece and are available for select 2023–2026 models until shortly after Halloween. Since Audi Themes launched in 2024, more than 32,000 downloads have been made—so clearly, people enjoy decorating their dashboards with Halloween puppies, witches and ghosts.
And that’s fine. It’s lighthearted, family-friendly fun—like holiday skins for your car. But as I scrolled the myAudi store, I couldn’t help thinking about what else could live there. I’d gladly pay five to ten times that price for software that solved real-world quirks: adaptive-cruise tolerance for hitch rack-equipped scenarios, or an override for the sensor blackout. How about a “Pro” pack that unlocks Matrix-beam headlights, extra Drive Select profiles, or an Efficiency Mode that drops the suspension and lets you bias toward greater cylinder-deactivation mode on thirsty V8s? I’d even pay for smaller quality-of-life toggles—auto-close trunk logic, startup disclaimer screen skip, lane-assist default off, a “car wash” mode deactivates the door handle sensors and trunk release foot sensor so you don’t accidentally open the hatch amidst a dousing stream of rinse water (ask me how I know this).
We’re living in the era of the software-defined car. Brands like Rivian push over-the-air updates that drop whimsical holiday touches for free, but also roll out new drive modes and genuine functionality that are often additional services for an additional price. For Audi, that could mean turning the myAudi Marketplace into more than a wallpaper store—a real upgrade ecosystem that lets owners tailor capability the same way we now personalize our tech.
Until then, if ghosts and pumpkins are your thing, Vorsprung’s got you covered. I’ll be over here waiting for the day I can download an update that makes my SQ8 play nicely with my e-bike—and maybe, just maybe, my friend will trade in that Range Rover for an Audi.
For more information on Audi Themes offering and activation, visit Audi Themes | Audi USA.
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